Don’t Use the Tongs
I remember when I was a kid and I’d go to a birthday party or something that was being hosted by a moderate-to-severely uptight mom, they’d never let us just grab a sandwich or some chips off of the tray. We had to use the tongs. They were the magical way that we kept from sharing our germs. Because, of course, you couldn’t expect a kid to only touch the sandwich he picked up, right?
And you can’t expect adults to pull it off, either. That’s why when ever you see a sample basket at the supermarket (Central Market, particularly) or at Sam’s, there’s always a gleaming pair of tongs there for you to pick up your free chips.
Last week I was at Le Madeleine and encountered the sacred tongs while going for a piece of bread. Just as I was reaching out to them, I paused and pulled my hand back. It had never occurred to me before, but for all these years that the tongs have been protecting us from slightly contaminated bread, nothing’s been protecting us from the tongs.
So now, instead of the possibility that the back of someone’s hand touched my bread slice, or (heaven forbid) they picked it up by accident, every single person has touched the tongs. Ewww.
So next time you see me picking the tongs up with a napkin then stuffing my bare hand into the basket, don’t call security, thank me for reminding you not to use the tongs.